session 4: project quiet

“Quiet! I can’t hear you and all the voices in my head at the same time!” ~ Anonymous

It’s not like I don’t have enough people telling me what to do all day long. If it’s not my kids, or my husband, or my dogs, or my parents, I’ll find my very own voices having a field day inside my head.

“Do this.” “Do that.” “Go here.” “No, go there.” “That’s ugly.” “You did that wrong.” Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Does it ever end? According to my mom, no, it absolutely doesn’t.

And if I’m lucky, I’ll discover my mind playing a song over and over and over again in my head (as if one time isn’t enough). Is it trying to make a point? Am I the only weirdo streaming live concerts in my brain?

Joy says I should find out. “Write down the song and Google the lyrics. You might discover something.”

You mean, like the song isn’t trying to torture me and that it might actually mean something? Ok…there’s homework assignment numero uno.

As interesting as I may find that particular assignment to be, it still doesn’t bring peace to my aching head.

And of course, I receive my answer only minutes later. Meditate.

“I want you to meditate 10 minutes a day, or do as much as you can,” Joy says. “Still continue to observe what comes up for you at that time. You are opening up – the whole point of the meditation is that instead of trying to shut off what comes, let’s look at what’s coming in.”

And there it is. The second piece to my homework that I like to call project quiet.

Meditation should be easy and relaxing. The relaxing part I can do…it’s finding that quiet spot and getting to that relaxing space that I struggle with.

Plus, a mom with 10+ extra minutes of time to her day? How the hell am I going to find that? In between taking care of the kids, cooking, washing dishes, cleaning house, running the dogs, running errands, paying bills, doing the laundry… (if you think the list ends there, you have another thing coming – I’ll just save you some time in reading all the gory details)

But, this is important. So find the time, I shall.

Plus, when given a little motivation, I can do anything.

“You know what’s really wonderful about you? You’re really great at self-observing.”

Thanks Joy. After a few tears, some deep breaths, and lots of sighing, this was a great way to end our session. Because for me, becoming more self-aware is what this whole process is about. And it looks like I’m getting there.

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~ by hpiazza on 05/26/2011.

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